Our friend and Feats of Meat hero Benjamin McGriff sent us this amazing article from our very own San Francisco Chronicle. Sadly there is no photographic evidence, but I do feel the need to post the text of the article in its entirety for posterity's sake:

Fresno man arrested in spice, sausage attacks

Fresno County authorities have arrested a man they say broke into the home of two farmworkers, rubbed one with spices and whacked the other with a sausage before fleeing.

Fresno County sheriff's Lt. Ian Burrimond says the suspect, 22-year-old Antonio Vasquez of Fresno, was found hiding in a nearby field wearing only a T-shirt, boxer shorts and socks.

The victims told deputies they awoke Saturday morning to the stranger applying spices to one of them and striking the other with an 8-inch sausage.

Burrimond said money allegedly stolen in the burglary was recovered. The sausage was tossed away by the fleeing suspect and eaten by a dog.

Frankly, I'm extremely disappointed with the Chron on this one. Where's the follow up? I have so many questions! What was in the spice rub? What kind of sausage are we talking here? Was the perp armed with any other sort of condiments, cutlery, etc? Why did he choose the victim he did for the spice rub down? Why didn't they stop the dog from eating evidence? Where's the in depth interview with this man? I need to know what his plan was here.

It may be time to form the Feats of Meat Investigative Truth Squad. ON TO FRESNO!