It has been way too long since our last Feats of Meat post. I am terribly sorry about this, there is no excuse. I will now try to make up for this fact by blasting out a bunch of new feats all at once in a vain attempt to win back your affections. We'll start with the bacon alarm clock:



In high school back in Virginia, I used to set my alarm clock to "radio," turn it up really loud, place it across the room, and turn the station to the worst morning radio show on earth (The John Boy and Billy Show, which some of you southerners may be familiar with, and thus agree with my assessment). The idea was that there was no way I would be able to tolerate listening to this shit for even a few seconds, and this would force me to get up, go across the room, and turn it off. Then, PRESTO! I'm awake.

As I've gotten older, I've realized that, while effective, this is a very negative way to start your day. I've since transitioned to more tolerable radio right next to the bed, which I would qualify as a more neutral method of waking up each morning.

But now technology has finally given all of us a way to wake up in the most pleasant way possible: to the smell of bacon. It's the Wake 'n Bacon!



All you do is place a few slices of frozen bacon in the basket when you go to sleep. The bacon thaws as you sleep, and then, ten minutes before the time you've set the alarm, it turns on the heat lamp to start cooking the bacon. Ten minutes later, as you finally awaken to perhaps the greatest smell on earth, your bacon is ready for consumption! It sure beats the hell out of the George Foreman method.

I don't think this thing is available to the general public...YET. It just makes me happy that there's at least one of these in the world. Once these start showing up at Target, I think the world will have a lot more morning people. Thank you, Wake 'n Bacon inventors, THANK YOU.